The following posts, assuming I do not slack off, will be poems that I think are good, but, hell, they may be trash, this is embarassing to show my little kids off to the world, or at least to people outside my writer friends, but in honor of sucking it up, have a look and feel free to say whatever you like, (Shontae).
Also, blogger is a nerf herder, so the complete formatting will not be as I like, I cannot do tabs or spacing really, so focus on the meaning, just like some people don't do when they think about life. But, maybe there is no meaning to life.
possible submission #1
"body was found by a moose hunter"
-and how dissonant it would be for her to die in a snow patch like bad cabbage and escorted by the Northern angels with their purple and turquoise ribbons. Helium penetration.
She had said,
-There was an antebellum incident when telegraphs spontaneously combusted all over the world and pregnant girls in Rome with sundresses as skin saw the Aurora Borealis but I won't ever see the lights in Alaska until the moose hunter checkmates my long gone soul with his smoking rifle while the moose and I spy from the solar storms in the sky.
1 comment:
I love the first stanza. The imagery is great. So, I think that one is perfect, and don't change a thing.
The second stanza, however..I would use more punctuation, maybe because the thoughts - while they're on the same topic, seem somewhat disconnected. If that makes any sense. For example, when going from the Aurora Borealis in Rome to the darkness in Alaska, I think that should be broken up with some sort of punctuation. Same with the end when talking about the hunter and the transition to the narrator and moose in the sky.
Like I said, I suck at this, but I hope that helped somewhat!
-S
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