Dana and I started some hardcore packing today. We listened to "up beat" music such as Gang of Four's Entertainment! and some Souisxie. Aside from probably spelling Souisxie wrong, I have "Happy House" stuck in my head.
So, I wore my "Sugar Never Tasted So Good" shirt today. I shouldn't get mad if people, namely dirty old men, think it means something more than it does, because I don't have to wear it. It really is just a White Stripes song, and I don't recall why I put it on the shirt, I wish I hadn't now. It's a cool shirt otherwise, very homemade, just poor diction.
But, the other topic of discussion lately pertains to the dirty old men. It doesn't bother me that much that guys supposedly do "check [me] out" a lot, but it worries me that maybe I look a certain way to draw their attention. The other night when I was out with Jeremy, I had on a black shirt and a pair of tan cordoroys. I didn't notice, but he said there was a guy blatently checking me out. So, what is the big deal boys? OOO cords are sexy, I know. I don't know, but it annoys me a little thinking about it now.
On my way to work today a boy was walking passed me and he smiled. That's all. He couldn't have even been flirting with me or hitting on me, just being nice. More of that would make me feel more comfortable. There's really nothing I can do if a couple of nasty, horny, bastards get off on a girl in an old t-shirt, jeans, and geeky glasses, except maybe complain about it and get over it.
What really bothers me is when I ignore the person-who is blatantly Staring At Me and saying "Heeeey Baby Girl," - and they act pissed off when I ignore them. Seriously, what am I going to do besides 1. ignore their crude ass or 2. beat the shit out of them. (I have never resorted to 2, but someday I will). The only girls who would stop and take it either have little self esteem or are hookers.
Going back to the 2. When I walk home from work, I sometimes pass Cumpies, a bar. I pass it when I forget to cross the street. Conviently, there is a counter and no windows right at the sidewalk, so lots of dirty old men have lots of free air to waste on really pathetic attempts to expell some hopelessness.
To make a long story short:
There is a Vaginga Monologue called "My Short Skirt." Basically it talks about how a girl can wear whatever she wants and shouldn't have to be treated like an object. I can't remember any of the exact words from it except something like -my short skirt "doesn't mean that I give it or want it." So there. I relate to that. I do like to wear mini skirts. When it's hot, it's really comfortable to just wear a skirt with just undies underneath. I like to wear my favorite skirt-a black mini skirt- because it's comfortable, fits me perfectly, and I like the way I look in it. IIIIIIII I. That's it there, the I. I really don't care when Dirty Old Man thinks of me in my skirt, but I like what I like about it. I control who can baske in my skirt wearing, for I am wearing the skirt. It is not your skirt, or else you would be wearing it. Would you like to wear my skirt, Dirty Old Man, you seem to like it very much---
So, when someone has to let out their sexual energy like a lonely dog, I have every right to let out my frustration like a confident woman. -Of course my short skirt or [unintended] suggestive shirt or glasses or cordoroys give you the right to express yourself verbally or physically just like I have the right to express myself by wearing them. But, I also have the right to give you a mean, smart ass look before turning away.
I hope I see more boys that simply smile at me, if they feel they should. Or, more that are more discrete about admiring, like Jeremy. Admitedly, (admitingly?) I do like the attention, when it doesn't piss me off, which would be almost all of the time. So, I will continue to wear my clothes, conciously as always, and maybe someday, just someday, I will get that Dirty Old Man. Someday, I will kick him in the balls.
2 comments:
Angela, for God's sake step out of your self-righteous indignation for a while and understand that ALL men are genetically predisposed toward an attractive female. It's a conditioned reflex that can be every bit as much an irritant to the beholder as to the beholdee. When Aristotle was asked at age 70-plus how he felt about the waning of his sexual drive he commented: 'It is like being unchained from some rabid beast.'
We are ALL victims of sensory input and sexual arousal. Speaking as a male I, myself, find it impossible not to look at a nice-looking girl with a certain degree of lustful longing and although I'm NOT the type to catcall or be abusive about it I really don't think that an automatic and autonomic biological response on my part warrants a punch in the balls. Believe it or not, you are actually being paid a compliment when ANY man finds you desirable, irrespective of how ugly YOU might DEEM him to be. And not all Dirty Old Men have Dirty Old Souls. What the hell is a Dirty Old Man anyhow but a kid who never grew up? Nor do we all assume that every woman is a bitch in heat just because we find them desirable. Stop feeling so damned intimidated and laugh at the absurdity of the male organ and its ability to reduce to the status of a drooling moron the keenest of intellectual minds. More to be pitied than censured, really.
I really appriciate your feedback. For one thing, note I am not being completly serious. I would have said something a little more heartfelt than just "balls kicking" if I were really "intimidated," like you said. I am not "intimidated." Where do you assume I am feeling inferior? I actually feel a lot better about myself when people act like idiots around me, wouldn't you?
If you read the last paragraph you'll see that I do like attention when it is decent, and not the blatant catcalls and such. I said that I liked when boys would simply pay a nice smile to me, or at least a discrete look. I think I explained pretty clearly what "pissed me off."
I am not deeming myself "ugly" either. I like the way I look, whatever that may be. What I was saying was that I do not dress scantily or suggestivly that I think would attract that much attention. And, if I do dress scantily, I don't act like such victum like some girls make the mistake of doing.
I am sorry if you felt I was attacking you (as in men) in any way. Like I said, I am annoyed by the old, frumpy, bulging eyed, guy-someone who is clearly twice my age and has NO manors toward a self-minding PERSON(note PERSON, not GIRL). It is a nice thing to compliment someone on their looks, and it makes me feel very good when someone -tastefully- does it to me.
I hope you understand. Thanks again.
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